Last night was the 2nd Sunday Family Dinner of 2013. Quite unexpectedly, Curtis is home right now and this matters because I was a bit trepidatious about starting them without him but these things take care of themselves and although it will be hard the first few weeks we meet without him when he goes back to sea, I am very grateful that he is here now. We had everyone present and accounted for and ate spaghetti and meat sauce with salad and garlic bread. These are not fancy meals. They are meant to bring us together and they do. Last night after we ate, Ayden and Grandma were engrossed in an iPad game called 4 Pics, 1 Word. Hollis and Grandpa were chatting and I noticed a couple of the boys were out on the deck out front. I went out to join them.
As a side note, I have been struggling with the empty nest thing off and on for a while now. It's cliche but the fact is, going from being needed to not being needed is tough. Our grocery bill is lower, but we only have each other to prepare meals for. Our light bill is lower, but we don't have power-using, noisemakers in the house either. We are very comfortable alone together but I miss being a mom - A LOT!
Another side note: also on the cliche list is "A daughter's a daughter for all of her life, a son's a son til he takes a wife." Two of the boys have long term stable relationships with wonderful women whom I adore. I think the old saying is just a bit off because adult self-sufficient men, even single ones, just don't have much need of Mom either. There are times when this situation makes me very sad. Where did the time go?!? How could I have squandered all their growing up years? I have a friend who is in her early 30's and last week she got a stomach bug. She has a husband and two elementary school aged kids of her own but on Facebook she posted "I want my MMMMOOOOMMMMMMYYY!" I told her that hers was a lucky mom. My guys would no more have that thought or ever say it out loud than the man in the moon. I know to be thankful for their self-sufficient lives. Not every parent of a son has this and I am aware of that. I just have to work hard to not feel left out of what's going on in their worlds. I will never get them off my radar. They are my children and I will worry about them until I die but I also must realize that I am not on their radar in a reciprocal way. They are guys! But, back to last night. . .
When I went out on the deck, we chatted for a while and then the other boys came out too. We laughed as we talked about current pig hunting stories and past adventures with friends from school years. I kept thinking other adults would come out there too but they didn't. I had about 30-45 glorious minutes with just my guys and it was WONDERFUL! They don't need me anymore but I love it when they laugh together. I need that.
Morgan is just a few weeks away from parenthood. He and Des are going to be so awesome at it. Des already is and it is great to see Morgan in the step-dad role with it all coming so easily to him. Newborns are a new area for him but he is so very happy that this little guy is coming into his world and it is great to see the joy in his eyes when he talks about assembling cribs and registering at the hospital. No, I won't be needed again the way Des is right now but hopefully in a year or so there will be a toddler who runs to see me and wants my time. Will that fill some of this emptiness?