The Breast Beast is not Finished with Me

A week ago last Wednesday I had a doctors appointment in New Braunfels and Desiree and Maxx were my taxi team.  I was really close to driving but it was only five weeks since the big surgery and I just wasn’t quite ready.  I woke up feeling weird and by the time Desi and Maxx picked me up at 8:00, I had a bad lower backache and the beginnings of a headache.  By the time I finished the doctor appointment about my knee, I was hurting pretty badly so I asked D&M Taxi Service to please drop me at the Emergency Room of the new hospital in New Braunfels.  I have had kidney stones 3 times in my life and I really thought that was the case on this day.  I was put into an ER room pretty quickly.  They took blood and urine, ordered a CT Scan and gave me some pain medicine.  I called Hollis to let him know where I was and told him that if I was right, I would get some pain meds and D&M would give me a ride home.  He elected to come to the ER anyway.

Not long after he arrived, I was taken for the CT Scan and the doctor came in to say that my white blood cell count was up over 30,000 and that it should be under 10,000.  A few minutes after that, a lady came into the room and said that she had my transfer paperwork and once I signed it, the ambulance would be picking me up in about 10 minutes to transport me to Methodist Hospital where I had had my big surgery five weeks ago.  I was still in awful pain so they put more morphine in my IV and loaded me up.  Hollis went home to grab lunch and some things I might need if I got admitted.  When the EMT’s took me into the ER at Methodist, there was much conversation about where to put me.  Finally one nurse said that I was pre-admitted and that I needed to be taken to Sub Level 2.  Now this was not great news.  Sub Level 2 is the surgery floor of Methodist.  They said Dr. Pisano – my plastic surgeon – was in the building and would come see me shortly.  When he came in he told me that I had an infected seroma.  A seroma is a pocket of fluid.  He said he would be opening up my belly incision, flushing out the infection and sewing me up and that I would probably go home Friday.  Hollis was sent to the waiting room and off I went for surgery.  I woke up, sort of, in the recovery room and then was taken to the same floor of the hospital where I was after my big surgery.

Thursday morning Dr. Pisano came in to tell me some freaky stuff!  He said the fluid was not pus and that it was not yet to the point of abscess but that if I had gone home instead of to the ER, I would have been septic in anywhere from 2-12 hours.  He ordered a culture of the fluid so they could be sure it was a non-resistant form of bacteria.  He also said that he would not decide about releasing me Friday until he had more information and could see how I was doing.  They had me on broad spectrum antibiotics and he wanted to narrow the meds according to the type of infection.  Hollis came Thursday morning to bring my quilt and pillow and a couple of other things.  The rest of Thursday is a blur.  Wonderful friends visited but I was pretty out of it. 

Then things got even more fun.  The culture came back as staph and they changed my antibiotic.  Within an hour of the first IV infusion, I began getting hives on the left side of my face and my upper left thigh – I know! Right??  They tried another high powered antibiotic and BAM – another reaction.  Now the infectious disease doctors on the case want to know if the staph is resistant to treatment or non-resistant.  The weekend dragged on.  I had more great visits!  I really love my village!  Reactions are just a little scary.  Benadryl fixed them but I really wanted good medicine and my walking papers.

Monday arrived and the infectious disease doctor made an executive decision, put me on a bigger dose of the antibiotic I took after my big surgery and send me home.  I was happy to be on my way out the door.  Fortunately, I did not have any reaction to this oral antibiotic.  Hollis stayed home with me Tuesday and then my wonderful sister came from Tyler to be on sister/princess-sitting duty for Wednesday and Thursday.  This included cooking, cleaning, organizing and keeping me company.  She was amazing!  Though I was not nearly wiped out as from my big surgery, a 12” belly incision, fighting an infection and 5 unplanned days in the hospital will wear you out!

 

The whining paragraph (read at your own risk):  1. I miss driving!  I have not driven my car since October 24^th.  My nurse Kathleen says that when the last surgical drain comes out Monday that I need to start driving.  Okay!  I will!  2. I am so ridiculously behind on Christmas!  I hope I feel up to decorating this week and based on stamina, shopping will probably be seriously curbed.  We will have small group here for Christmas Eve and maybe H and I will make it to church that night.  Last one – I really want my life back!  I am so very grateful to be cured and I want to get the rest of my plan over with so that grandkids and quilt shops take up most of my time.

Thank you all for all the support!  I truly could not have gotten through this without my husband, family, friends, quilting sisters and all who have encouraged, prayed for and entertained me these last couple of months.  You are all precious to me beyond words!  

Progress Report

Back in 2000, Julia Roberts was on Oprah one day promoting her new movie Erin Brokovich.  At the time she was dating actor Benjamin Bratt.  When Oprah asked Julia about the scene where she showed her cleavage to get a clerk to help her, Julia laughed and said that Ben said "it takes a village to raise that cleavage!"  I kind of feel that way about this new body.  This is by far the most pain I have ever endured in my life.  I gave birth to three of my four boys without any pain medication.  I've had 3 kidney stones.  I like to think I am not a wimp.  This has been awful.  I still hurt when I change positions.  I am finally sleeping in my bed but I wake up every time I have to change positions.  There are times I'm so emotional and sad that I don't know what to do.  I'm 3 weeks out and I still have my surgical drain in my belly incision.  All my assumptions about bouncing back quickly are just not happening.  This is going to take time and that fact goes in the minus column, not the plus.  But then, getting back to Julia and Ben, there is the plus column.  

My village has way stepped up!  Surgery day did not go as planned.  My 4-6 hour surgery became 12 hours.  I kissed Hollis at 7:45 AM and did not see his face again until 10:00 that night.  I cannot imagine how awful that day must have been for him.  The updates that came regularly early in the day more or less stopped late afternoon and although my surgeon did step out to tell him they were taking me back to surgery, he did not ever return to tell Hollis what had happened or how I was.  When I did wake up, Hollis, Morgan and Harris were there to greet me.  I'm sure it was a long, frightening day for all of them and many others.  Things I didn't anticipate; 1.  Being too weak to hold my phone and text.  I couldn't text much on Thursday or Friday.  Who is too weak to text?!?  2.  Really good nurses!  They were in my room within minutes of my call and were so caring and gentle.  Even getting me up to walk (which sucked), they were caring, gentle and encouraging. 3.  An endless supply of ice cream, pudding and apple juice!  I guess that falls under the great nurses list but it was sure yummy.

Hollis came back to the hospital Thursday morning.  After he left for work, Eboni came so sit with me.  She crocheted while I slept and saw to my every need.  She also spearheaded the care calendar so I would have caretakers and meals for two weeks when I got home.  Shelley came after work.  She look so relieved to see me.  She was planning to come after surgery on Wednesday but Hollis told her to wait.  My priest, Fr. Hill came to see me as did my friends Lori and Tracy.  Hollis came back after work Friday so we could watch the Astros game and then he came on Saturday to take me home.  My quilt buddy Marsha is a retired nurse.  She came over on Sunday to reassure Hollis and me that all was going well.  It was.  I have had soooooo much good food!  As I slept in the recliner in the living room, Hollis slept on the sofa.  I got care like I've never had, or needed.  Clayton and Courtney stopped by Sunday and they had been telling Cayden that he couldn't hug me.  When he came in he said "Omi, you got owies?"  Yes, baby, Omi gots owies.  H stayed home Monday and Tuesday but the visitors and goodies just kept coming.  I got two beautiful flower arrangements while I was in the hospital and Melanie brought me more flowers, food and a fabulous mocha frappe.  I get cards and notes in the mail every day or two.  I gotta admit, the next few days and the caretakers and food bearers are a bit of a blur.  My sister drove 5 hours from Tyler Wednesday night and arrived in time for us to watch the Astros win the World Series.  That woman is nothing short of a wonder! She took really good care of me and cleaned, I mean really cleaned some neglected parts of my house.  She and I watched the Astros parade on TV Friday afternoon and then she left and Hollis resumed full time care for the next three days.  Monday included a visit to my surgeon's nurse to have two surgical drains removed and that trip alone wore me completely out.  I was still waiting to bounce back.

The rest of the week was 2 caretakers per day, more amazing food deliveries and pain.  My friend Julia has been texting me every day or two checking on my and telling me to be a princess.  This is not something I have much knowledge of, interest in or even tolerance for.  It's been hard to ask for someone to bring me a bottle of water and everything else I've needed.  I had to have pillows under both arms anytime I was sitting.  I could barely lift them so I needed lots of help.  And I wasn't very entertaining.  I slept an awful lot.  I am now able to get in and out of bed, recliners, and walk in our pasture.  I think I am still a week or two away from being out in public.  Bumpy roads will be painful and I don't know when I will be released to drive.  My chest is very bruised and sore.  They said it would take time.  I really hoped they were exagerating.  Apparently, they were not.

I am beyond grateful for my village.  I have not even listed all the wonderful people in this writing who have been so amazing.  I have no way to even begin to thank them.  As we faced week 3, there were no caretakers scheduled because as you know, I thought I'd be all better by then.  I was a bit panicky about being on my own Monday so you know what?  My college roommate, friend of 39 years, drove 4 hours Sunday and cared for me Monday and Tuesday all while cooking up a storm, cleaning and doing laundry and keeping me from giving into the nagging sadness in the back of my mind.  Lori, you have blown my mind with your energy, love and willingness to do this for me.  I cannot even find words!  Thank you to all my village.  What a lame sentence.  I have so much thanking to do.  I only hope that when I am needed that I will be able to shine as brightly as those who have helped me.  It will just be a few weeks before I can be needed.  

Lastly, when my surgeon called me a week after surgery, he told me that I made the right decision.  He said that in addition to the two instances of noninvasive cancer in my right breast that the pathologists had also found just a bit of invasive cancer.  Then he really surprised me.  He said that they found 3 different types of precancerous cells in my left breast.  If I had not had a double mastectomy now, we would be doing all this again next year.  The good news is, I made the right decision for my own health and long life.  Okay, I'll be a princess for a few more days (weeks) but then I need to get on with this life that we all saved.  How do I thank you all for helping to save my life?  I guess we will find out. . .

Houston, We Have a Problem. . .

I haven't posted in nearly 4 1/2 years.  Wow!  Life is mostly great!  I have gained two daughters-in-law, 2 ready made grandsons and now 3 Wooldridge grandkids.  Maxx is 4.  He belongs to Morgan and Desi.  Cayden is almost 3 and Capri just turned 1. They belong to Clayton and Courtney.  Harris lives nearby and Curtis is seeing the world living on cruise ships and selling jewelry.  Hollis and I are as happy as we ever have been.  We will celebrate the 39th anniversary of the day we met next month.  He is still the best human I have ever known.

On Monday, September 25th I had two biopsies on my right breast.  I'm tempted to write about that in detail.  Maybe I should.  I had a biopsy on that same breast 5 years ago and it was negative for cancer.  It was a very unpleasant experience and I was quite aggravated that there was nothing wrong and I had such a bad time recovering that the whole event went into my book as awful.  Now we are on this event.  My OB-GYN who has taken care of my girl parts for the last 8 or 9 years called me Tuesday afternoon and said "Well we weren't so lucky this time.  They found cancer in both samples."  Wait, WHAT?!?!  I have zero risk!  I have no family history!  I nursed all my babies for a year after they were born!  I don't smoke!  This can't be right!!  But it is.  It is a fact.  I have breast cancer. 

On Thursday, September 28th, Hollis and I met with a wonderful human being of a surgeon named Richard Fischer.  He said great things like "this is a curable cancer.  This is not what will kill you." and "This is a significant moment in your life story.  This is as big a deal as your son getting hurt in Iraq.  It's okay to be scared and to take care of yourself."  I hoped he would also give me answers.  Sadly, he gave me a list of options.  Option 1 seemed plausible.  2 wasn't even an option for me.  3 kind of sucked and 4 seemed impossible.  Now I needed to see a plastic surgeon to get more infomation.  On Tuesday October 2, my wonderful friend Eboni accompanied me to meet Dr. Steven Pisano, plastic surgeon.  He is one very confident guy but caring and gentle - things I seem to really appreciate right now.  He explained option 4 to me in detail and I pretty much drank the kool-aid right then.  

In the meantime, Hollis had a conversation with a woman who underwent a version of option 4 about 12 years ago.  She encouraged him to encourage me to take my time choosing an option.  Because his support means the world to me, I honored his request and spoke with friends who have had to make these choices.  

Now I am sure I want to choose option 4. Dr. Pisano's office has coordinated with Dr. Fischer's office and later this month, I am going to have a bi-lateral (double) mastectomy with abdominal tissue transplant reconstruction.  So many multisyllable words to say that the existing breasts are coming off and I will get new ones from my very own body (belly, middle, tummy. . . ).  I am really excited that I will never need another mammogram or biopsy (I really hate those things).  I will have a flat tummy again - I gave up my original about 34 years ago when I had the first of my four 9 pound babies.  I'm trying hard to manage my expectations about the tummy part but this plastic surgeon has lots of before and after photos on his website and he takes great pride in what he does so my level of hope is sky high. 

I cannot escape a couple of things.  I am super sad to lose my own breasts.  I have really liked being a woman with a nice chest.  I LOVED nursing my babies.  Even in the night time and even with mastitis, I was a great nursing mom and I treasure that time of mothering in my life.  I really hoped to die with them intact. Secondly, this is not going to be an easy surgery.  Despite the confidence of my plastic surgeon and his caring, competent nurse, this is gonna hurt!!  I have two weeks of prepping for surgery.  I start protein drinks this week.  I have to get t shirts and slit them down the front to wear under my surgery garments.  I had 5 prescriptions to fill to have on hand when I come home.  I will require 2 solid weeks of 24/7 care when I get home and full recovery will take 4-6 weeks.  Then in three months there will be a follow-up scar revision surgery.  I didn't even have that after having babies!  

People at age 57 are a little more aware of their mortality than people at, say, 37.  It's going to take a while to heal.  And then there is this lovely anxiety that has moved into my heart, brain and stomach.  I'm scared and I have a little over two weeks to be scared - yay.  I have very little appetite but this is not really the time to shrink my belly.  It will soon be pressed into a new service!  And in addition to all these emotions, I feel guilty.  I am going to be cured on surgery day of breast cancer.  No follow up treatment will be necessary.  That part is truly amazing and I promise that just as soon as I get through all this, I will try really hard to refrain from bitching because I would not like to be seen as ungrateful here or ever.  I know I am lucky/blessed.  I have friends who have undergone torture to get rid of this disease and I have lost more than one friend to this horribleness.  Mine will be gone.  I promise all of you I will not forget that.  

In the meantime, it's real, it's looming and it's rough.  My support team is first class.  I have friends putting together a care calendar so that Hollis can work during the day while I recover.  He will take wonderful care of me.  My sister will help care for me and then reclothe my new body.  Other than the pain and the fear, this would be really fun!  Not really!  All prayers appreciated.  I promise to update when I can type.  Thanks for listening.